Dilli to pagal hai - Flying Toh Pagal Hai

I am sitting on my seat in one of India's most successful airlines and I can tell you it's been a really painful process reaching here. Flying in India, which was once only done by rich people, now more or less has has one class only...mooooo... cattle class! So there are lines everywhere.Lines to get in to the airport. Lines to check in ­ even if you've web-checked in.Security lines. Boarding lines. You're boxed in with people sniffling, sneezing, houting, screaming and burping on both sides of you. Here are some ways to get on your flight faster.
Wear an American football uniform:
Seen one of those AFL games with those guys with shoul der guards, helmets and lots of padding? Just get one of those and charge right through ­ right through the gates, security, boarding ­ knock everyone aside. You'll be in your seat before you know it.
Go naked:
If you can't afford the above mentioned uniform, don't wear anything at all. Just fly naked. Everyone will be so surprised they will just let you through. And the security won't need to check you at all.
Cut the queue:
Remember one of the earlier rules I taught all of you some time back. You can cut into any queue as long as you are looking the other way!
Pay money:
Some airlines allow you to go through faster as long as you pay money. For 400 bucks they have an express line. For 500 press line. For 500 bucks they'll get you through security faster. And for 1000 backs they'll land you at your destination half an hour earlier.
Get elected:
I believe MPs and PMs etc have their own special gates and lines. Heck, they even delay planes for you!
Buy an airline:
Now you know why so many millionaires own air lines. They just want to avoid queues.(By the way , there is a saying ­ 'to become a millionaire is easy ­ just start as a billionaire then buy an airline'. Look at Mr Mallya!).
If all else fails, just hijack a plane. I don't know why newspeople and experts spend so much time trying to figure out the origin of all those terrorist groups who take planes hostage. It's simple.
They all just go tired of waiting in queues!